First of all, I know its been too long. I hadn't realized that this blog has become so neglected until I opened it and saw that my last post was in May at the end of the tour. I could come up with a lot of bullshit reasons as to why I haven't written here, but let's just skip that part. I think we are close enough that I can be honest.
I haven't written anything, anywhere for a good long while.
Not a poem, not working on my novel, not an article or a journal entry. Nothing. Zilp, zilch, nada.
So don't take it personally, its not about you. I think I've grown distant from the writer in me, I don't feel connected to this right now. I have absolutely no ambition to take pen to paper. I'm not even depressed, it's not a crazy time in my life and I'm not busier than usual. I just don't want to write.
This started long before the tour and I've been too embarrassed to admit it to my poet friends. I have no interested in slam right now or poetry shows in general. Last year at Nationals I think I realized that I didn't even like it that much anymore.
Which is not to say that I don't love poetry or spoken word. I do, sometimes. But it all seems a little played out to me right now. I think I need to find another art form to fall in love with for awhile so I can really appreciate what spoken word is again. I'd like to make something other than poems and sentences for awhile, use my hands and stop opening my heart so wide all the time. I've been closing in and there doesn't seem to be enough room in here for all your pain too or to stare in the face of all the horrors that exist in our world. I'm simplifying my little life. I'm not striving for fame, or even the kind of success I used to think would make me happy. My ideals are changing and I have no idea what that even means.
Except that its not you poetry, its me. Maybe I'll come back to you, maybe I won't. Nothing is forever anyway.